About a month and a half ago, I was lucky enough to hear the Dali Lama speak at an event held on Emory’s campus. I’d never heard him speak before, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. However, my classmate who had gone to one of his events a few days prior described him as a “cute old man” so I decided to go with that. When listening to someone as revered as the Dali Lama, its hard not to expect everything out of his mouth to be profound. I was hoping to be enlightened by every syllable, and I was……..just not in the way I thought I would be. What I liked most about the Dali Lama was that he was human, and that he was honest. Occasionally, someone would ask him a question, and his response would simply be “I don’t know.” It was refreshing because it was true. No matter how experienced we are, or how revered, or how knowledgeable, there is so much that we just don’t, and can’t know. The Dali Lama did have many words of wisdom and advice, but unfortunately, after a month and a half, I have forgotten most of them. There is one thing he said, however, that sticks out in my mind; “Enjoy the struggle.” I interpreted the meaning of his words as this; Life is never going to be perfect. There is always some aspect that is going to be difficult. As humans it is easy to wish for the past or the future as in “I wish I could be a kid again” or “I can’t wait to graduate.” We are often wanting a situation that is different from the one that we are in. I am especially guilty of this, so I took the Dali Lama’s words to heart. Instead of always wanting to be in the past or the future, just enjoy the present. I will never be a 29 year old first year PhD student at Emory University ever again. There are some days where it is painful, but I feel like it is important to enjoy all of it, even the sucky parts. I know from experience that once it is over, I will miss it. So, rather than do that, I’ll just enjoy it while I’m in it. So, thanks for the advice Dali Lama. You are a cute old man, but I think you are pretty smart too.
October 27, 2010
A few months ago, I made the trek from California to Atlanta with my mom. It was an entirely memorable experience, and I feel like we had some good bonding moments during our five day journey. Of all the things I remember about the trip, I will remember the words, “it’s nice! I like it!” the most. Upon entering any new city or town, regardless of where it was, what it looked like, or who inhabited it, my mom would take a few minutes, look around, assess the surroundings and finally say, “It’s nice! I like it!” She would always say these words with a big smile on her face. It was as if the place was some oasis in the middle of the desert rather than Memphis Tennessee or Little Rock Arkansas. I teased her a lot about liking everything, but in reality these words sort of sum up the essence that is my mother. One of my favorite things about her is that she can find the beauty in anything and the joy in any place. Her happiness comes from the simple things in life. It doesn’t take much to please my mom. She is easy going and carefree and that is what makes her so much fun to be around. My mom has taught me many lessons, one of which being to enjoy life to its fullest regardless of the circumstance. To that sentiment I have one thing to say. It’s nice! I like it!
Happy Birthday, Mom!
September 21, 2010
Yesterday, my classmates and I took our first exam as PhD students. Preparing for the exam was a wretched experience; one that I hope never to have to repeat again in my entire life. Ever! For three days I wore the same sweat pants and t-shirt. I also didn’t brush my hair for that same duration. It’s not like I couldn’t find the time to change my clothes or pick up a hairbrush. It’s just that I didn’t quite care enough. There were 48 hour chunks of time in which I did not leave my house because I was cramming. So, really……did it matter if my hair resembled that of a Peruvian alpaca? Probably not.
Sometimes I wonder why I am putting myself through this process. I mean, I have a Master’s degree. That qualifies me for a decent job or something. Right? Doesn’t it? I think about my friends who went straight from undergrad to their respective professions and stayed there. 7 yrs later, and most of them have jobs, and houses, and nice cars, and families, and 401k plans, and take advantage of these things called “weekends.” I on the other hand work countless hours for an “income” that allows me to splurge only on things like top ramen and highlighters. You know…….the necessities of graduate student life.
In the end though, I know that this degree is something that I really want and have always really wanted. So, I will chug along, and wear those same sweat pants, and not brush my hair, and have meetings with my advisor, and fret over data, and do all of those things that PhD students do.
In the meantime, comics such as these let me know that at least there are others in my boat
image courtesy of www.phdcomics.com
Graduation day or bust!
September 3, 2010
The fist week of my PhD program is done. This past week has felt like it was one of the longest weeks of my entire life. I spent the majority of it trying to solidify my schedule (in the past 24 hrs alone, it has changed 3 times). Luckily, I was able to waive out of a course I had already taken at Yale which freed me up to take something different and new. I also picked up a rotation working with the man whom I hope will be my dissertation advisor in the future. I will be working with him on submitting a proposal for a grant that will HOPEFULLY be the project from which my dissertation research comes.
Another good part of my week was spent trying to figure out why my textbooks did not get delivered to my apt. Turns out, since the old tenants name is still on the mailbox, the mail carrier was not delivering me any of my mail. This also means my Netflix wasn’t coming either. Sigh.
It is always difficult to move to a new place and to have to make adjustments. The beginning is never easy. I am going though a lot of growing pains right now. I hope, however, that with a lot of patience, and a little time, things will start to sort themselves out. Getting a PhD is a really difficult task. I am lucky though, that I have so much support from all of my family and friends. Even though they are thousands of miles away, I can feel the love, and the caring, and that alone is going to get me through this. Day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year.
August 29, 2010
They say that, “home is where the heart is.” If that’s the case, I think my “home” spans out across the entire country. I have pieces of my home in California, pieces of my home in Connecticut, and hopefully, I will have pieces of home in Atlanta too. Two years ago, I made a move from the most southern and most western part of mainland USA to the north-east. The two places could not have been more opposite, but over time, I came to love both of my homes and find people who I cared about and cherished in both of them. A few weeks ago, I had to make my journey from home #1 in California to an entirely new home in Atlanta, Georgia. So here I was, about to uproot myself and make a move to an entirely different part of the country, AGAIN. I was lucky that my mom was nice enough to accompany me.
We took the I-40 through 10 states
- California
- Arizona
- New Mexico
- Texas
- Oklahoma
- Arkansas
- Tennessee
- Mississippi
- Alabama
- Georgia
I loved watching the terrain and landscapes change from region to region. In Arizona, we were graced with a beautiful sunset.
And the skies over New Mexico were vast and beautiful.
The weather was also strange and intense. We left a temperate, sunny, Southern California, and were met with torrential downpours from New Mexico onwards. Never in my life had I seen rain like this. It came in hard, pounding, thick sheets and was relentless for about 45 mins or so. Then, just as soon as it started, it stopped. The best thing about the rain was that it allowed us to see this;
What I loved even more than the changing terrain was observing the differences in people and culture. I tried to make it a point to do something “typical” of whatever place we happened to be in.
I spent my last few hours in California doing yoga and eating In N Out. In New Mexico, we stumbled across the cutest and most delicious little restaurant called El Patio. The food was amazing and on the way out we found a little cafe that was right up my mom’s alley.
Who would have thought we could get authentic chai in New Mexico?
In Texas, we had to stop and have steak at the Big Texan
.
Everything in this place was larger than life. From the people, to the furniture, to the food, things were on a grander scale here. I ordered the rib-eye, and it did not disappoint. It was tender and juicy. I was dreaming about the flavor for days.
I knew we were entering the south when things started to get confusing. Some of the people in Arkansas had accents so thick you couldn’t cut them with a steak knife. In Memphis, the woman who checked us in to our hotel had a tag on the front of her shirt that read “Trainee”. I wasn’t sure if it was her job title or her name.
I could not leave Memphis without trying some authentic bbq, so we stopped at a place called Central BBQ. I LOVED IT!!! I have been waiting for bbq like this my whole life. Southern bbq is definitely not something you want to mess with, and I hope I get to enjoy it many more times during my stay here.
When we finally arrived in Atlanta, I took a good, long, hard look at the skyline and thought about what the city may hold for me. To be honest, I am terrified out of my mind. I have a feeling I will grow to love it here just like I love California and yes, even New Haven. Day by day, I will slowly start to make this city my home. In the meantime, I know I will always have my other homes to go back to. Next time though, I think I will fly.
August 27, 2010
I remember when I first started this blog. The purpose was to serve as a means to chronicle my life in graduate school. I thought that journey would end after two years at Yale. Yet, here I am, sitting in my apartment in Atlanta, Georgia, just days away from starting a PhD program. Um, wait…….what???
Today, at orientation, we had to watch a video in which the lives of doctoral students were chronicled over a period of about a year or so. In this time, all of the trials, tribulations, failures, and frustrations that PhD students experience were showcased. None of this was news to me. I know the path that lies ahead of me. I know I am going to have to work ridiculously long hours for very, very, very little money. I know that I may spend 4 years working on something, only to have someone else beat me to the punch and publish similar work to mine before I do. I know that I will have to give up being close to my family and my friends for a really long time in order to complete my research. All of this I knew before deciding to come here. However, sitting in that room today, it suddenly became real. This is it. I am here. I am really going to do this. I must admit that on more than one occasion, I have questioned if I made the right decision. Then I think about what I want to do when I graduate. I think about why I started this graduate school process to begin with, and I realize that I ABSOLUTELY made the right decision. This isn’t going to be easy. The next 4-5-6 years (God, I hope it’s not 6) are going to be filled with a lot of frustrating moments, and a lot of tears. But what are 4-5-6 (God, I hope it’s not 6) years of hard work compared to a lifetime of doing what I love?
I have no idea what lies in store for me. I just have to have faith that if I pursue my degree with passion, then everything will work out in the end and the next 4-5-6 years will all be worth it (God, I REALLY hope it is not 6).
July 1, 2010
We all have heard the term, “Karma is a bitch,” but who is she really being a bitch to? Sometimes I feel like the person who is trying to do good deeds is the one that ends up getting screwed over, while the one who is selfish and ruthless triumphs. Is this the case? Perhaps I am wrong and the selfish, ruthless person ends up alone and miserable. Who knows? Either way, I have been having some struggles lately about how “good” of a person I want to be. If this world was an ideal place, there would be no question. I would just be good all of the time. Unfortunately, this world is not so ideal. There are people out there who are willing to trample all over others. Therefore does it benefit me to be not so good in order to protect myself or to teach others a lesson? I still don’t have it all quite figured out yet, but I think I am slowly starting to piece it together. As I grow, I am learning how to protect myself while still being honest and fair. I think the key is to not only be honest with others around me, but also honest with myself. In the end, if I just worry about being the best person I can be without getting trampled on, then Karma will do her job and be the bitch she is supposed to be to the people she is supposed to be bitchy to. Here’s to hoping.
May 20, 2010
I have never been much of a cold weather person. Truth be told; I hate it. When I made the decision to move to New England for grad school, the thing that scared me the most was the brutal weather I was sure to face. I did my best to ready myself. I purchased what I thought were adequate winter coats, I got some thermal underwear, I took some nice thick leather gloves with me. I thought I would be ok. Nothing could have prepared me for that first winter in the North East. NOTHING. It was the stuff that nightmares are made of. Every single day from November-April it was the same thing. I’d wake up, curse my life, and don layer upon layer of clothing. I would start with tights, followed by thermal underwear, then jeans, a tank-top, a thermal top, a thick hoodie, my winter jacket, thick socks, gloves, and snow boots. Every single day! Goodbye dresses! Adios tank-tops! Open toed strappy sandals? What open toed strappy sandals? After dressing up in my winter “uniform,” I would grit my teeth, open the front door, and face my doom. Some days it was so bad, I would repeat the “F” word over, and over until I made it to school. It probably didn’t sound very nice to those passing by, but it made the walk to campus a little more bearable. There was snow, rain, sleet, combinations of all three, and it lasted for 5 months! Being outside was a truly miserable experience.
The best thing about New England winters are that they turn into New England springs. Spring in New Haven is absolutely beautiful. In California the weather is nice all year round. I much prefer it that way, but us Californians don’t get anything as lovely as a New England spring. When the trees and flowers bloom and the streets are lined with blossoms of colors, it is enough to take your breath away. The end of April/beginning of May in New England is absolutely phenomenal. It really does feel like “spring,” and what’s more is that you feel like you have earned it. It almost makes enduring the winter worthwhile. Almost.
April 27, 2010
It’s raining tonight. I have a 30 page paper to write. While I generally hate the rain, I like to listen to it while I am writing. In a way, it makes me feel sort of literary. I imagine myself to be something like Edgar Allan Poe writing away to the sound of rain drops on my window. Only, he wrote fiction and prose, and I am writing about global health ethics. Also, I am pretty sure he used a pen and not a Mac. Lastly, he was crazy and I….well……ok, maybe we have that one in common.
March 26, 2010
Delta; the symbol for change. In trying to think of any way humanly possible to get out of studying for biochemistry, I realized that it has been a very long time since I last wrote on this blog. Every single day, I formulate ideas as to what I would like to write, and every single day, life gets in the way. Consequently, the ideas stay floating around in my brain and never quite make it out. They remain as back-burner to my thesis, and statistics, and biochemistry, and laundry. In the past three months since my last post, so many things have changed. All of them have been for the better. Winter howled long and hard, but is now slowly transforming into spring, I made my first trip to South America and challenged myself in ways that I never thought possible, I interviewed and was accepted to the PhD program of my dreams, and most importantly, I pushed myself out of my tiny little box and discovered things I never thought could exist for me. My time here at Yale has expanded my mind in more ways than one. I have realized that I am in a state of constant change, and to be honest, I like it that way. I like always discovering new things about myself, and I like the surprises that wait for me around every corner. I have no idea who I am going to be in a year from now. I have no idea who my new friends will be, or what I will consider my favorite restaurant in town. I just know that I am happy to be ever evolving, ever discovering, and ever learning. Life constantly shifts, whether we like it or not. Therefore, it is best to adapt and shift along with it. Otherwise, we risk being left behind in its wake, wondering how it all passed us by so quickly.
