A Day In the Life

It is 2:05 in the morning.  I am sitting in the computer lab at school, surrounded by papers, journal articles, lecture slides, and notes.  I have an exam in less than 7 hours, and somewhere between now and then I need to get some sleep.  I just ate some pizza that I found sitting outside on the kitchen counter of our student lounge.  I have no idea how long it has been sitting there.  Maybe a day…..maybe two???  Who knows?  At that point, I was too hungry to care, so I just ate it before some other broke grad student came and snatched it from under me.  It’s a jungle out here, and only the tough survive.   In the past week, I have consumed ridiculous amounts of coffee and have worn the same sweatpants for three days in a row.  I don’t want to study anymore, but I have to wait for my classmate to finish whatever it is he is doing, so that we can walk home together.  If I left now, I would have to walk home by myself.  The good thing about that, is I would probably get home ten minutes earlier.  The bad thing about that is that this is New Haven, and a walk home after dark brings with it the risk of muggings, stabbings, assault, or the like.  I think I’ll wait for my friend.  Such is the life of a grad student.

It is 2:12 in the morning.  I have an exam in less than 7 hours, and somewhere between now and then, I need to get some sleep.

 

Starstruck

Browsing a bookstore in October of 2005, I came across a novel called ‘Wicked’ by Gregory Maguire.  I purchased it, and from the very first sentence, a love affair began.  After finishing the book, I wrote the following entry in my Xanga.  (yes, I had a Xanga.  Don’t judge)

“I just finished the novel ‘Wicked’ by Gregory Maguire.  Let me tell you, it is one of the best novels I have read in a long time.  I could not put it down.  I would read it pretty much every chance I got;  a break from work, while pumping gas, when I was in line at the grocery store.  I loved it.  Its such a fascinating mix of fairy tale, ethics, philosophy, politics, humor, love, family, and religion.  If you are a person who falls in love with words I highly recommend it.  I liked it so much that I went out and purchased two more novels by the same author.  I can’t wait for him to write more books!”

Well, write more books, he did.  Since that time, I have read every single book Maguire has ever published.   I love the way he plays with words.   His syntax is often as smooth and rich as ice cream, and sometimes I will read a sentence of his over and over, and sort of roll it around on my tongue until I have had my fill.  The man is a literary genius and likely one of my favorite authors of all time.  

About a month ago, I was in the Yale bookstore and I came across a flier stating that Maguire was coming to Yale at the end of the week for a book signing.  I almost had a heart attack.  I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to have the chance to meet THE Gregory Maguire, a man whose career I have stalked for the past four years.  

A few days later, I showed up to the event.  I was surprised by the intimate venue, with only seats for about 50 people.  I took my seat eagerly in the front row, excited to meet a person whom I had venerated for so long.  When he showed up, he did not disappoint.  He did a brief reading from his new book, and then opened up the floor for the audience to ask questions.  I was so impressed in his descriptions of how he comes up with ideas for his stories.  I love the way in which he takes something so well known in our culture, and turns it on his head.  He uses the familiar to explore and dissect social perceptions, and does it so eloquently.  I got the chance to ask him a question, and I think he actually got a kick out of it!  It was so surreal to actually talk to a person who up until that day had presented himself in my life significantly, but only in the form of beautiful words on pages.  Words that I memorize and recite to often uninterested friends, but mere words, nonetheless.  And there he was.  Right in front of me.  So close that I could see the beads of sweat on his brow.  I wanted to scream like a middle school girl at an N’SYNC concert, but I didn’t think it would be socially acceptable, so I restrained myself.  

At the end of the event, Mr. Maguire signed books for everyone.  I now have my very own autographed copy of ‘Matchless’ which I sleep with every night.  (ok, maybe every other night)

Keep writing, Gregory.  You know I am going to keep on reading!

 

Get Lost

One of my favorite things to do in any big city is to get lost in it.  It all started in September of 2001.  My sister and I spent an entire day roaming around London via bus.  We had no plan, no agenda, and no destination.  We hopped on and off busses whenever we saw fit, not caring about the routes they were traveling.  Our only mission was to explore.  This turned out to be one of the most memorable days of my life.  We saw and experienced more of the real London than we ever would have if we followed some tour guide or map.  Since that day, I make it a point to get lost as often as possible.  

New York city is a great city to get lost in.  There are so many nooks and crannies, and you never know what you may discover around any given corner.  Last weekend I went to the city to visit my good friend Hirumi who recently moved there for a job.  (Yay, Hirumi!!!)  On Monday morning, Hirumi had to go to work, but I still had some shopping to do.  I took the 6 train with Hirumi in the morning, and got off at Astor Place hoping to spend some cold hard cash in the stores I had walked by the night before.  The only problem was that it was just after 9 a.m. and most stores did not open until 10.   This gave me the perfect opportunity to lose myself.  I walked around the streets, not looking for anything in particular.  I took rights and lefts whenever I saw fit, and roamed to my heart’s content.  And then, I saw it.  Right there in the corner of 12th and Broadway was the most amazing bookstore I had ever seen, The Strand.  They boasted 18 miles of used and new books, and I bet if you laid all the books out, cover to cover, it just might be true.  It was a book nerd’s paradise.  I love a lot of things in life, but nothing really makes me happier than a good bookstore, and if I hadn’t gotten lost, I never would have found it.  

I like to think of getting lost in a city as a metaphor for life.  Too often we are so consumed with our plan.  Everything has to be laid out, and thought about, and scheduled.  This is the practical approach to living, however sometimes life can be richer if you let go of the reigns a little bit.  Not everything has to work in a certain order, and everything does not have to go according to plan.  Sometimes its when you lose yourself a little bit that you make the best discoveries.

 

I Love My India

I realized yesterday that I have been back at school for almost two months now, and I still have not written anything about my experience in India over the summer.  Life at Yale, has been hectic, to say the least, but I wanted to at least write a little bit about what I went through in India while it is all still relatively fresh.    Although, this post will not do the experience anything even remotely close to justice. 

As a part of our degree program at Yale, we are required to do a minimum ten week internship.  I completed the required ten weeks in California, so my second internship in India was sort of “just for kicks.”  I wanted a taste of public health outside of a United States setting, and I figured that India was the best place to do so.  This idea was strengthened by the fact that while I had been to India many times before, it had always been for vacation.  All I ever did there was eat, and sleep, and travel, and consume.  I never did anything to contribute.  I wanted to take an opportunity to give back to my parents’ home country, even if it was only for a very short period of time.  

I have always know that things in India don’t run as smoothly as they do in the U.S.  This experience was no different.   When I left for India, I still wasn’t 100% sure that I even had an internship.  The person that I had been communicating with decided to suddenly drop off the face of the earth and stopped responding to my e-mails, so I boarded the plane hoping that things would work out.  If not, at least the required part of my internship was done, and I could use this trip as another vacation.  

When I landed, I was greeted at the airport by my two masis (mom’s sisters).  Even though we live thousands and thousands of miles apart, I am very close to my masis and get along with them extremely well.  After a long 15 hour flight, I was especially happy to see them.  What I love the most about my masis is the fact that like my mom, they are such free spirits who love nothing more but to spend time with family and to laugh.  I never laugh as hard with anyone as I do with them.

This trip also allowed me to spend time with my cousins and their kids.  I have the greatest bunch of nieces and nephews, and I absolutely love spending time with them.

From left to right:  Devaki (she’s shy), Abhay, Nanki, Angad, and Ashwin.  Not pictured, Adi (the newest addition)

 

After resting for a few days, it was time to determine if there was any internship to be had.  I contacted the people at the Public Health Foundation of India, and they told me that yes, I did indeed have an internship, only it wasn’t the internship I had originally signed up for.  Up until that point my primary research interest had been cancer prevention, and I was supposed to work on a grant funded by the National Cancer Institute.  However, the project was taking longer than expected, and the part that I was supposed to work on was not ready.  Therefore, I was to be placed on an entirely different project with an entirely different team.  

The next day I went to work and met my new boss, Dr. Shah Ebrahim.  Dr. Shah is this baller epidemiologist from Britain and upon my first conversation I was instantly blown away.  I couldn’t believe I was actually getting the opportunity to work with someone who is so well known and has done so much in the field of chronic disease epidemiology.  I met the rest of my team, and learned that I was going to be working on a diabetes study.  There were several different components to the study, but my job was to determine the best anthropometric measure for determining diabetes in Asian Indians, and figure out the most appropriate cut points for that measure.  I won’t go into boring detail over what I actually did, but somewhere along the line a shift took place.  I really had never even considered diabetes as a topic of interest before, but my work in India seriously impacted my outlook.  

As a result of my work with Dr. Shah and my teammates at PHFI, I have become much more aware of the role that chronic disease is starting to play in developing nations.  My eyes were opened to emerging issues that I had never even thought of before.  I realized that I wanted to shift my focus to global health (although in India, they don’t call it global health.  They just call it public health) and try and solve some of the problems contributing to the increasing chronic disease burden in the country to which I can attribute my roots.  

If you want to know more about what exactly it is I did, you can feel free to ask me.  

For now I will leave you with a poster I created for our upcoming internship showcase.  Enjoy!

 

Queen Rania

One of my favorite things about being a Yale student is getting the opportunity to have “conversations” with both current and former world leaders.  Every semester, Yale invites political figureheads to come and speak to the student body.  The forum is designed like a small town hall meeting, with the opportunity for the audience to ask questions of the speaker at the end of their talk.  Therefore, tickets are few and hard to come by.  Regardless, I always make it a point to try and attend.  Last year, at this time, I got to see Tony Blair.  Less than an hour ago, I was sitting in Sprague auditorium listening to a speech given by Queen Rania of Jordan.   I had to miss a class to attend the event, but there is more to learning than just sitting in a classroom, and sometimes you have to choose your medium for attaining growth. 

 

From the moment Queen Rania crossed the stage and stood at the podium to give her speech, I had a golf ball sized lump in my throat.  I just knew I was about to hear something profound.  With amazing elegance, poise, and grace, she spoke of the Israeli/Palestine conflict, its detrimental effects to people on both sides of the battle, and what we can do to try and achieve peace.  There were many things she said that stood out in my mind, and left me feeling inspired.  She called attention to the fact that as Yale students, we are each given an identification card.  This is the card that we swipe when entering any building on campus.  It’s the card that gives us access and literally opens doors, just as our diplomas from Yale will figuratively open doors for us in the future.  She asked us to then think about those individuals whose identity is something that poses limits instead of granting access.  What is being done on their behalf?  Queen Rania also mentioned that it is easy to turn away from conflict and suffering when it is not something that takes place on our own soil or touches us personally.   However, the more you open yourself up to the world, the more you have the potential to grow, and affect change.  She called this the lux and the veritas (light and truth, Yale’s motto).  She spoke of the idea that the United States has achieved its world status not because of its size or military strength, but because boasts diversity, education, equality, and philanthropy as some of its highest values.  She asked us not to lose sight of these values.  She spoke of extremists, and said that while their beliefs may be radical, they have one up on everybody else, because they stand up for what they believe in.  She asked those of us who are moderate to do the same.  We all claim to believe in something, but very few of us actually stand up for it, especially when it may be painful or difficult.

I only spent an hour in that room listening to Queen Rania speak and answer questions, but in that short amount of time, my perspective shifted.  I was reminded that growing means taking risks and looking outside yourself for new answers and ideas.  I was inspired to push myself out of my comfort zone, and try and experience life from differently colored lenses.  But mostly, I was thankful to have the opportunity to learn.  We all have the ability within ourselves to inspire change.  It’s what we do with that ability that makes a difference.

 

Electric Blue

In my life, I have separated people into two categories;

Those whose opinions I care about, and those whose opinions I don’t.  99.9999999% of people fall in the latter category.  I really could care less about what those people think, say, or do with regards to me.  There are very few people whose thoughts about me make a difference.  I am a firm believer that we should always do what we feel is right, and be ourselves, regardless of what those around us may think or say.  I also, however, feel that we can improve ourselves, and maybe sometimes get a little bit of insight into parts of ourselves we can’t always see by listening to those close to us.  

One of my favorite things to do with good friends is to look back on our first meeting and reflect on first impressions of each other, and how things have changed since then.  I usually remember my first encounters with most of my good friends very vividly.  For example, the first time I saw Janice was ten years ago in the UCI bookstore.  I remember thinking “wow, that chick has really long hair, and I really like her shorts.  She’s pretty badass.”  Little did I know that a year later I would be living with that “chick” and getting into all sorts of trouble.  I had no idea at the time just how close that chick and I would eventually  become.  

Another memory that sticks out is the first time I met Marco. It was in the Student Center Parking Structure at UCI almost 6 years ago.  I remember thinking he was fashionably challenged because he wore these weird knee high black socks.  He remembers thinking I was a bitch, because I was too busy to talk to him.  Again, little did I know that the dude with the horrible black socks would later become my roommate, one of my favorite shopping buddies, and one of my best friends.  

The other day I was having dinner with two people whom I consider to be some of my closest friends at Yale.  The topic of first impressions came up and I was presented with a first impression of myself that was both unique, and surprising.  One of my friends said “you know, Unji,  the first time I met you was at the semi-formal last year.  I remember thinking that you were like an electric blue hallway.”  

An electric blue hallway?  

Wtf is an electric blue hallway????

 He explained himself further by saying “everyone notices an electric blue hallway, but not too many people are sure what to do with it.  Even fewer people can handle it in their apartment.  You need to stop wasting time with people who don’t know what to do with an electric blue hallway and only focus your energies on those who can handle it.”

These words hit a lot of my emotions square on the head.  I have never considered myself to be “electric” anything.  However, I do notice that when I am at Yale, I tend to tone my personality down, quite a bit.   I just don’t feel inspired to let out that spark, so I hold it in.  It usually stays in until I am around friends from home, and then it explodes all over the place, like some ball of cosmic energy that has been pent up for years and years.  The friend who made the electric blue hallway analogy is a person whose views I actually value  Therefore, after listening to his words, I think the electric blue needs to release itself around these parts a little more often.  Inspired or not, I have got to get it out!  Even if I am the only one who understands what the hell is going on.

Can you handle it!?

 

365 Days

A year ago today, I wrote an blog post  and I pondered the question, “who am I going to be on September 11th of next year?”  The irony of the situation lies in the fact that the very same evening something happened that would shape the course of my next year, and possibly alter some scope of my life, forever.  So much of my time here at Yale has been marked by the circumstances of that day.  I think back to that September 11th, 2001, and how unknowing my family was that evening in Paris as to what we would see when we turned on the television.   Similarly, I look back to that September 11th a year ago, and am reminded of how unknowing I was as to the events that would unfold over the next year of my life.  What this day makes me think of is the fact that we never know.  We are always unknowing as to what the next minute, hour, day, month, year, will bring.  Every instant is a new opportunity for something really wonderful, or really terrible to take place.  Life is both beautiful and sinister that way.  What I do know, is that I am going to enjoy the mystery that each day of my life brings me.  I am going to love carving my path, even if I have no idea where that path may lead.  And like all of the heroic adventurers who have come before me, I am going to dive in fearlessly into the great unknown to discover whatever treasures fate has hidden for me to find.  May the force be with me.

 

Make A Change

I saw this on my friend Michelle’s blog and it spoke to me.

In life, there are so many things that are out of our control.  For the past month or so, and especially this past week, I have been feeling like everything that could possibly go wrong with a certain aspect of my life is.  If it’s not one thing, it’s the next, and if it’s not that, its something else.   I find myself asking all the time if the Universe is testing me or playing some twisted game at my expense.   Both these theories may be true.  However, I am learning that while I can’t control other people, their actions, or their decisions, I can control myself.  I can control my attitude and I can control my outlook.  The only person on this planet who can make me happy is me.  I may wish that 101 things were different, but the fact is that they are not.  So, what can I do?  I can change myself.  I can change my outlook.  I can change what/whom I value and what/whom I care about.  I can change what is important to me and what is not.  I have the POWER!!!!!!  And,  that, my friends, is pretty fucking amazing.

 

Homecoming

I’m back in New Haven after 3.5 months.  I had wonderful internships, both in California, and in India.  There is so much I want to say, especially about India, but first, I need to write what is on my mind and in my heart at this very moment.  The flight from India to the US is extremely long and exhausting.  When I got onto the shuttle that was to take me from JFK to New Haven I fell asleep almost instantly.  When I woke up, some 2 hrs later, I looked out the window, and suddenly I was transported back to a year ago.  Memories of my first day in New  Haven, at the end of last August danced around my mind.  I remember driving past the same trees, and the same houses and marveling at the New England landscape.  Everything looked so new and so foreign.  While those trees and houses have remained the same over the course of the last year, I, however, have not.  When I arrived for my first year, I was scared, and timid.  I did not want to let go of my life in California.  I felt like I didn’t have a place here, and for a long time,  I didn’t.  I wasted a lot of time last year being sad about what wasn’t instead of being happy about what was.  Somewhere in the middle of this summer, all of that changed.  I only have nine months left here at Yale.  That’s it.  Only nine months, which I am sure will go by in the blink of an eye.  The fact that I am here is an amazing gift.  One that I am going to take full advantage of.  One that I won’t take for granted, not even for one second.  With every breath and every step, I am going to make the most of my short time here, because moments like this don’t come around very often, and once they are gone……they are gone.

 

My Contribution

When I was younger, my dream was to become a doctor.  I always knew that I wanted to help people improve their lives, and I was interested in healtcare, so I figured a career in medicine would be the best option for me.  So I made becoming a doctor my goal.  I worked really hard to make it happen.  Everything was going according to plan until one fateful day in the 2nd grade.   A freak accident during a routine art project caused me to staple a piece of construction paper to my left index finger.  My teacher promptly sent me to the nurse’s office and it was on the walk up that I discovered I would never become a doctor.  At the first sight of blood oozing from my wound, I began to feel nauseated.  I fainted right on the spot.  So there I was, a scrawny seven year old, passed out on the grass in front of the nurse’s office, with a shattered life’s dream and a piece of freaking construction paper stapled to my finger. 

Fast forward approximately twenty years later.  My desire to help people improve their lives through the betterment of their health still remains.  Only now, the approach is much different.  Instead of through treatment, the improvements come through prevention.  To find answers to the questions that need to be asked, however, is a daunting and tedious task.  As students of public health, we inveribly read study after study about this or that.  Sometimes we might scoff at a sample size that we deem too small, or wonder why the researchers didn’t take a closer look at something.  It is not until we, ourselves, actually try and complete these studies that we realize just how much work actually goes into them.  

A study that I am currently working on calls for data to be collected on 200 patients via written survey.  Easy enough….or so I thought.  At any given day in the clinic, the doctors may see 40 patients.  Half of them, however, usually are not eligible to participate.  Out of the remaining 20, half have already completed the survey at a prior visit.  That leaves maybe 10 eligible patients, some of whom don’t want to participate, and some of whom I miss because I am busy interviewing someone else.   Most days in the clinic, I spend 8 hours on my feet, running back and forth, trying to talk to people, only to come away with maybe 5 interviews.   And that’s if I’m lucky.   As harrowing as it is sometimes, I always leave the clinic feeling really happy.  In my mind, each and every survey is like gold.  While one survey alone may not be that big of a deal, each one is a part of something that is much bigger than myself.  Each one is a contribution. Each one is a piece of the puzzle that will eventually serve to unlock the answers to questions that may help people improve their heath and wellbeing.   And the best part is, I can do it all without seeing a single drop of blood.  That is of course, provided I don’t staple the surveys to my finger.