The Road Less Traveled

One of my favorite things about being a Yale student is getting the opportunity to have “conversations” with both current and former world leaders.  Every semester, Yale invites political figureheads to come and speak to the student body.  The forum is designed like a small town hall meeting, with the opportunity for the audience to ask questions of the speaker at the end of their talk.  Therefore, tickets are few and hard to come by.  Regardless, I always make it a point to try and attend.  Last year, at this time, I got to see Tony Blair.  Less than an hour ago, I was sitting in Sprague auditorium listening to a speech given by Queen Rania of Jordan.   I had to miss a class to attend the event, but there is more to learning than just sitting in a classroom, and sometimes you have to choose your medium for attaining growth. 

From the moment Queen Rania crossed the stage and stood at the podium to give her speech, I had a golf ball sized lump in my throat.  I just knew I was about to hear something profound.  With amazing elegance, poise, and grace, she spoke of the Israeli/Palestine conflict, its detrimental effects to people on both sides of the battle, and what we can do to try and achieve peace.  There were many things she said that stood out in my mind, and left me feeling inspired.  She called attention to the fact that as Yale students, we are each given an identification card.  This is the card that we swipe when entering any building on campus.  It’s the card that gives us access and literally opens doors, just as our diplomas from Yale will figuratively open doors for us in the future.  She asked us to then think about those individuals whose identity is something that poses limits instead of granting access.  What is being done on their behalf?  Queen Rania also mentioned that it is easy to turn away from conflict and suffering when it is not something that takes place on our own soil or touches us personally.   However, the more you open yourself up to the world, the more you have the potential to grow, and affect change.  She called this the lux and the veritas (light and truth, Yale’s motto).  She spoke of the idea that the United States has achieved its world status not because of its size or military strength, but because boasts diversity, education, equality, and philanthropy as some of its highest values.  She asked us not to lose sight of these values.  She spoke of extremists, and said that while their beliefs may be radical, they have one up on everybody else, because they stand up for what they believe in.  She asked those of us who are moderate to do the same.  We all claim to believe in something, but very few of us actually stand up for it, especially when it may be painful or difficult.

I only spent an hour in that room listening to Queen Rania speak and answer questions, but in that short amount of time, my perspective shifted.  I was reminded that growing means taking risks and looking outside yourself for new answers and ideas.  I was inspired to push myself out of my comfort zone, and try and experience life from differently colored lenses.  But mostly, I was thankful to have the opportunity to learn.  We all have the ability within ourselves to inspire change.  It’s what we do with that ability that makes a difference.

In my life, I have separated people into two categories;

Those whose opinions I care about, and those whose opinions I don’t.  99.9999999% of people fall in the latter category.  I really could care less about what those people think, say, or do with regards to me.  There are very few people whose thoughts about me make a difference.  I am a firm believer that we should always do what we feel is right, and be ourselves, regardless of what those around us may think or say.  I also, however, feel that we can improve ourselves, and maybe sometimes get a little bit of insight into parts of ourselves we can’t always see by listening to those close to us.  

One of my favorite things to do with good friends is to look back on our first meeting and reflect on first impressions of each other, and how things have changed since then.  I usually remember my first encounters with most of my good friends very vividly.  For example, the first time I saw Janice was ten years ago in the UCI bookstore.  I remember thinking “wow, that chick has really long hair, and I really like her shorts.  She’s pretty badass.”  Little did I know that a year later I would be living with that “chick” and getting into all sorts of trouble.  I had no idea at the time just how close that chick and I would eventually  become.  

Another memory that sticks out is the first time I met Marco. It was in the Student Center Parking Structure at UCI almost 6 years ago.  I remember thinking he was fashionably challenged because he wore these weird knee high black socks.  He remembers thinking I was a bitch, because I was too busy to talk to him.  Again, little did I know that the dude with the horrible black socks would later become my roommate, one of my favorite shopping buddies, and one of my best friends.  

The other day I was having dinner with two people whom I consider to be some of my closest friends at Yale.  The topic of first impressions came up and I was presented with a first impression of myself that was both unique, and surprising.  One of my friends said “you know, Unji,  the first time I met you was at the semi-formal last year.  I remember thinking that you were like an electric blue hallway.”  

An electric blue hallway?  

Wtf is an electric blue hallway????

 He explained himself further by saying “everyone notices an electric blue hallway, but not too many people are sure what to do with it.  Even fewer people can handle it in their apartment.  You need to stop wasting time with people who don’t know what to do with an electric blue hallway and only focus your energies on those who can handle it.”

These words hit a lot of my emotions square on the head.  I have never considered myself to be “electric” anything.  However, I do notice that when I am at Yale, I tend to tone my personality down, quite a bit.   I just don’t feel inspired to let out that spark, so I hold it in.  It usually stays in until I am around friends from home, and then it explodes all over the place, like some ball of cosmic energy that has been pent up for years and years.  The friend who made the electric blue hallway analogy is a person whose views I actually value  Therefore, after listening to his words, I think the electric blue needs to release itself around these parts a little more often.  Inspired or not, I have got to get it out!  Even if I am the only one who understands what the hell is going on.

Can you handle it!?

A year ago today, I wrote an blog post  and I pondered the question, “who am I going to be on September 11th of next year?”  The irony of the situation lies in the fact that the very same evening something happened that would shape the course of my next year, and possibly alter some scope of my life, forever.  So much of my time here at Yale has been marked by the circumstances of that day.  I think back to that September 11th, 2001, and how unknowing my family was that evening in Paris as to what we would see when we turned on the television.   Similarly, I look back to that September 11th a year ago, and am reminded of how unknowing I was as to the events that would unfold over the next year of my life.  What this day makes me think of is the fact that we never know.  We are always unknowing as to what the next minute, hour, day, month, year, will bring.  Every instant is a new opportunity for something really wonderful, or really terrible to take place.  Life is both beautiful and sinister that way.  What I do know, is that I am going to enjoy the mystery that each day of my life brings me.  I am going to love carving my path, even if I have no idea where that path may lead.  And like all of the heroic adventurers who have come before me, I am going to dive in fearlessly into the great unknown to discover whatever treasures fate has hidden for me to find.  May the force be with me.

I saw this on my friend Michelle’s blog and it spoke to me.

In life, there are so many things that are out of our control.  For the past month or so, and especially this past week, I have been feeling like everything that could possibly go wrong with a certain aspect of my life is.  If it’s not one thing, it’s the next, and if it’s not that, its something else.   I find myself asking all the time if the Universe is testing me or playing some twisted game at my expense.   Both these theories may be true.  However, I am learning that while I can’t control other people, their actions, or their decisions, I can control myself.  I can control my attitude and I can control my outlook.  The only person on this planet who can make me happy is me.  I may wish that 101 things were different, but the fact is that they are not.  So, what can I do?  I can change myself.  I can change my outlook.  I can change what/whom I value and what/whom I care about.  I can change what is important to me and what is not.  I have the POWER!!!!!!  And,  that, my friends, is pretty fucking amazing.

I’m back in New Haven after 3.5 months.  I had wonderful internships, both in California, and in India.  There is so much I want to say, especially about India, but first, I need to write what is on my mind and in my heart at this very moment.  The flight from India to the US is extremely long and exhausting.  When I got onto the shuttle that was to take me from JFK to New Haven I fell asleep almost instantly.  When I woke up, some 2 hrs later, I looked out the window, and suddenly I was transported back to a year ago.  Memories of my first day in New  Haven, at the end of last August danced around my mind.  I remember driving past the same trees, and the same houses and marveling at the New England landscape.  Everything looked so new and so foreign.  While those trees and houses have remained the same over the course of the last year, I, however, have not.  When I arrived for my first year, I was scared, and timid.  I did not want to let go of my life in California.  I felt like I didn’t have a place here, and for a long time,  I didn’t.  I wasted a lot of time last year being sad about what wasn’t instead of being happy about what was.  Somewhere in the middle of this summer, all of that changed.  I only have nine months left here at Yale.  That’s it.  Only nine months, which I am sure will go by in the blink of an eye.  The fact that I am here is an amazing gift.  One that I am going to take full advantage of.  One that I won’t take for granted, not even for one second.  With every breath and every step, I am going to make the most of my short time here, because moments like this don’t come around very often, and once they are gone……they are gone.